I can not stop listening to lucero
tennessee is so awesome.
it has replaced my new favorite album of all time
<3

i was right about you all along
no one believed me

i'm tied in knots
because all i've wanted for the past 8 months
is everything that i'm getting
but it's so risky
i can't say no to you though<3

careful what you wish for
cause you might just get it all

yesterday shed a whole different light on you
please stay that way forever


someday..

there's just something that i need to be at peace with before i sleep
and there is no way for me to come to peace with it
and i feel like i'm going to puke and cry
and fuck

so a couple months ago i started crushin on a cutie that came into work
he found out
i found out that he was an ex heroin addict
so me not thinking at all just kept flirtin
because he was cute and he had a girlfriend so i expected absolutely nothing from it

valentines day rolls around
the day after he buys me a flower
and it literally was the best thing that ever happened to me
me being shy and ridiculous thanked him and then walked away not knowing what to do
i saw him 3 times that week
and acted all awkward

a few weeks later i find out he's using again

i saw him yesterday for the first time in 2 months
and he could barely look at me

now i'm spazzing because he started using again so close to the time that he really started liking me

i can't talk to anyone about this because everyone thinks i'm ridiculous

and now i'm super worried that he started doing drugs again because he thinks that i rejected him
and i'm so worried
i feel like i'm going to puke
i seriously have never been able to not sleep over something like this
but what if this happened
what if i'm right
i need to talk to him
but he won't even look at me
and i'm afraid i won't ever see him again
fuck

it's months since i've seen or talked to you
it's been SO many months since it even mattered
and somehow i still think about you all the time

why didn't i feel like this earlier in my life

.. i guess i'm a late bloomer

i don't always appreciate the friends i have
because i'm an ass.
but they are perfect and amazing
i wish i could have more nights like this
it may not have been the best night ever
but its the best company

i had my confidence boosted so many times today
but i just can never get the one i want

i'm really just ready to have a boyfriend
i've been putting that shit off for so long
but i'm ready to have a little buddy to hang with all the time

i've grown so so so so much in the past two months i still can't believe it

i'm changing my mind on career ideas
i just don't know anymore
bc3 is okay for me now
it just feels good to be there
plus i fucking love my job

i never thought that i could be excited to go to work
this whole lumber cashier thing is working out quite nicely
it's so good to see the same faces every night
i never thought that it could be this good
it gets really stressful sometimes
but i couldn't ask for anything better
really
today was a bad day at work but still i love it so much

cait's moving back home
i'm so pumped
and she's headed to bc3
oh thank you god
seriously
it will be so good to have another good friend around

i'm so pumped for this summer
i get sara cait andrea and emma time
it will be so good
and hopefully we can work out a road trip
and i swear to god i wll have my license by then

thank you drunk boy for asking for my number
you are sweet
i'm sorry to shut you down
but you really made me feel better when i was down in the dumpsyyz

swastlez
seriously
shittt
shit
shit
shit
shit




i'm staying at bc3 for another semester
i have no clue what i want to do with my life
i love my job
i love sleeping all the time
and i love sheetz
and taylor swift






hi i'm turning into everything i hate
maybe it's not that bad of a thing...



i used to think i set my standards really high
but i was wrong
i set the worst standards for people ever
i like different
and mysterious
and weird
which usually ends up being shitty
shitty
shitty
shitty


it's spring break and i've spent it sleeping and working
tomorrow i might go to pittsburgh
i don't know yet..

i've changed since its turned 2008
it's unreal

i barely have any friends
but that's okay
i'm starting to talk to a lot of different people at bc3
it's nice to be able to hangout there and not feel uncomfortable
i just needed a new outlook

yeah

today was my last final, it went horrible
but sir bill weisberger will surely give me a b
so it doesn't matter
but i should probably get on knowing what the name of the act that legally put hitler into power
or i probably won't make a very good history major.

returned my books and got about 99 dollars back. pretty good even though i spent close to 350 on them.

payed my school library fines
sent transcripts
scheduled a drivers test
napped
and got to work on time

other things

some shithole tried to steal a window and some 2x4's off of me today
i caught him
i hate shitty people

andrea's home



this is so lame
but:

tonight me and mofo were sitting in the sheetz parking lot
and two men came up to the window
knocked
and asked me to go to the bar with them
and told me they couldn't resist telling such a beautiful girl
how pretty she was
creepy
now, this does make me feel cute
or whatever
but
seriously
i am 19 years old and still have yet to have a boyfriend
and i know it's been my decision for it to be this way
but
the one person that i have ever thought about ever giving a chance
urhh
i can't have it
whyy

it's finals week, i'm actually quite excited
this semester has been weird
somehow i managed to escape w/ all b's
and a possibility of a's

i need to get out of this routine
sleep
school
sleep
shower
eat
work
sleep

its bad but so good at the same time


things that are keeping me going right now:

dr. weisberger,
the hills,
turkey ranch and swiss subs,
diet mt. dew,
flat stacking lumber,
the get up kids


my family is going to drive me insane by the end of this month
they are all so closed minded and believe EVERYTHING they hear


i need a car and my liscense
by january tenth
i also need to lose atleast 5 pounds by then




miscommunication

i miss writing in a journal
i don't really want many people to read this
it's just kind of for myself.

i've been a shitty friend lately
but everyone else was a shitty friend first
i'm still upset about things that happened months, even years ago
it hurt, i stuck around

i've changed so much
i'm not a nice person anymore
i hate it

i need to move
just like i did a year ago

went to see Brand New/Thrice/MeWithoutYou last night
it was perfect
so good to see Brand New
they were so much better than expected